Jul 31, 2017

MY THOUGHTS ON 30



Omfgggg I'm turning 30?! What the hell, surely I shouldn't be allowed to turn 30 when I still feel like, in so many ways I'm not a proper adult, I'm only just starting to get my shit together for goodness sake!


But in all seriousness, this will be one of my most special birthdays ever. As you probably know, last year I had chemo on my birthday, well I had it on the day before but it meant I couldn't do anything on the day of my actual birthday other than feel like utter crap, sweat out poison and take handfuls of steroids, not to mention injecting something horrible into my stomach, (oh that injection into the belly is one of the worst parts of chemo and still makes me want to gag, just thinking about it.) Anyway, of course this year will be an improvement! I'm healthy and I have hair (woohoo! Even if it is a complete mullet right now) and I can go and do something fun with my friends and family. I have some exciting plans, to go away to a resort with my sister and her family and of course Craig and the kids. My best friend from Cairns is also coming to stay for a week, so I just need to get my birthday outfits in order and I'll be good to go!



When I was trying to articulate some thoughts on how I feel about turning 30, I came to the conclusion that it's just a number. To my 18 year old self it would have sounded old, but to my future 50 year old self, I will look back and think how young I was.

The only thing I will say is that this is one of the happiest times of my life.
My twenties were pretty hectic. I crammed a LOT in, I had so many different stages of my life in my twenties, it's hard to believe it all happened to the same person. I was still doing a fair amount of travelling the world, (not in the glamorous way either) motherhood, marriage and divorce and finding love again in those years. I became a mother when I was 22 and 13 months later a mother again when I was 23. The years when my kids were babies and toddlers, all whilst being a single mum were pretty tough. I only say they were tough because it was all new to me, it was hard learning the ropes of motherhood, just like it is for any woman, at any age. But being a single mum for a couple of years was definitely tough financially and also emotionally. I feel like the kids needs were always taken care of but my own needs were kind of forgotten for a while. When I look back though, I still remember those times so fondly and I know how strong the bond with my kids is because of it.




Kids wearing organic cotton t-shirts by www.bluefaceindustries.com



But now after my year of 'growth, pain and learning', I definitely do feel wiser, I feel like I have dealt with so many emotions and the strongest kind of emotions at that. Some days I feel old and haggard, both physically and emotionally, from the impact of cancer, and losing my Grandad and my friend Lisa, all in one year.

But I also have this sense of calm, and sense of being present in what is going on every day in my life, like I never had before. I feel like I'm on the right track and I feel happy. I also feel like I have control of my life. Before, I used to think that life was just something that happened to you. I'd think my bad relationship, my stupid financial decisions or other situations were something that just happened to me, looking back I can see my thoughts and actions were the reason these things happened. It's not because I was a bad person, it's because I was young and reckless and I was constantly getting myself into these sticky situations because of my attitude. It's something only experience and I guess getting older can teach you.

Now I feel like I have some control over my life. I try really hard to always see the positive and make careful decisions to benefit my soul, that have a direct affect over my life and happiness.

Typically on my 'milestone' birthdays I'd want to hit the town, drink entire bottles of champagne and get expensive presents. Now all I want is to feel healthy and be surrounded by people that I love.

So to finish off I thought I'd list a few of the things I'm most grateful for:

-My health

-My kids and the amazing humans they have turned into, they make it impossible for me to ever give up and constantly strive to be a better person for. Not to mention how loved they make me feel, the morning cuddles when they're sleepy and still in their pyjamas. They make me stop and enjoy the moment in the way that only kids can do.

-My partner, for working hard to support our family and being a great Step Dad to my children, for binge watching series with me, making me laugh and being romantic occasionally ;-P

-My family for their love and support in everything I ever do

-My sister for being my best friend, constantly making me laugh, and hanging around even when I've been a massive bitch lol.

-Amazing friends who have stuck by me through thick and thin. Childhood friends who are still so close to me.

-New friends

-My business

-Making money from my passion, which means I get to spend every day doing what I love most

-My lovely home

-Exciting plans for the year ahead



To celebrate turning 30, I am having a massive 30% SALE over on my website on pretty much ALL of my artwork. That's oil paintings on canvas and Limited Edition prints as well.

Go and check it out at www.hayleywalkerart.com





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